As the title said - seasons change and monsoon gives way to cold freezing winters . some are relieved for some it is a pain . monsoon is over . there is anticipation for her , since early heat pangs hit in march , then a few magical spells and finally the out burst . everything that rises must also fall - law of nature ( and science) . so the season must end .

seasons are cyclic in nature . they keep returning , maybe in a different format, a different space and time . sometimes there are whole cities that are submerged underwater but it does nt seem visible from the surface . often the underwater creations outshine the sea they are submerged in . often the tree can survive without the root? thinkers think , doers do.

it has been a great season , i have bonded with many . what was the best was the lack of expectation yet the anticipation . the dramatics of the virtual. thank you . and i will miss many. if we meet again we shall smile or else this parting was well made . fare thee well , for i must leave thee , and remember that the best of friends must part , must part. those who know me , or have alternate access to me , the "why " is not desirable . cos as i always say - if you cannot understand my silence , you will never understand my words.

aaj 17 th sept . nothing major yet the date seemed imp . kept thinking til it struck - aaj bishwakorma pujo . meaning pujo round the corner .. barir theke fon anek beshi - pujor plan janao , ki korbe , are u guys coming is not asked , its taken for granted we are . except that we are not going ( cal too crowded for our taste now) will go later on ... anyway looked sky wards cant find the soroter neel akash here . depresseion er news , more rains and storms likely . cant these people do anything correct . did nt rain in monsoon , eibaar sorot e bristi niye boshlen tara. duffer andhraites ( nothing personal) ki kore personal hobe ora ki amar keu , banglay likhle beta ra bujhbe na. aar je pore bujhbe se are andhraite nei.. he he he jai hok , chora ta k bangaliyana e manush korar ichhey te ota k excite korar chesta korlaam . nothing beyond - so no school amma . hate that yammma sur that he has lovingly aped from his classmates. also the dh and eyech ( d and h) . thats another story..

so this gaan , dont know the right lyrics ..but this has been my version , the one i ve taught my son

- aye re aye ,

pujor gondho esheyche

dham kura kur .

dham kura kur

dhak ta beje che .

 gaache shiuli futeche

songe kaash o jute che

hawa te banshi sunje

je aamar mon ta necheche

oyi dekho na

oyi dekhona

satey soroter akaash mete che

happiness to all . lets do away with our glooms and rejoice for a change ..

thick dark clouds

sway over rainparched land

moisture laden winds

 seducing , tempting, provoking.

a single drop -

moon lit,

as if a teenagers caress

the non chalant drizzle

soft, noiseless , yet continuous

making way

for the deafening downpour

 intense, rhythmic

thrusting itself

into the heart and soul of all parchedness

 raising it to esctatic heights,

droplets go on relentless,

the rain goes on .......

If you comment on this post (saying anything at all):

1. I’ll respond with something random about you

2. I’ll challenge you to try something

3. I’ll pick a color that i associate with you

4. I’ll tell you something i like about you

5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you

6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of

7. I’ll ask you something i’ve always wanted to ask you

8. If i do this for you, you must post this on yours

three comments on my friendly neighborhood spacers - ( keep guessing - )

1. hope it works out as per your dreams. .

2. you will find . eternity cant be that long.

3. some pains cant be masked . with or without any prejudice .

Chupi Angdrai.

WAQT KE AAGOSH KE BAHAR

CHUBHTI NAZRON SE DUUR

EK SAHMA AHSAAS.

APNE ASTIVA SE PARESHAN EK LAMHA.

KUCH SUKHA

KUCH GEELA.

THODA SHARMILA

THODA BEKABU.

SHABDO KE BEECH EK AWAAZ

AWAAZ MEY SARGOSHI

JAISE KUCH KEHNE SE ZYADA

KUCH SUN NA HO USEY.

HAYA KA LAHRAATA ANCHAL

JO ZULFON KA BHI HO SAKTA THA.

THA?

THA ……… YANI KAHAANI BEET CHUKI?

YA SAMAY KE PARADARSH SE DUUR

KOI KHWAB

HAYA KE PARDE KE PEECHEY

ANGRDAI MEY MADMAST HUI JA RAHI HAI.

zen story - ( told by osho) two monks were travelling . they came to a river . there was a young girl standing there who could not cross the river alone and needed help. the older monk turned away and continued on his path. he turned around to see the younger monk carrying the girl on his arms. when they neared the monastry the older monk turned to the younger monk and said - dont you know we monks are not supposed to touch women ? then why? the younger monk replied - i left her on the bank of the river , are you still carrying her? hmmmm.

I hear thunder ,

i hear thunder .

Oh do you ?

Oh do you ?

Pitter- patter raindrops ,

pitter - patter raindrops .

I' m wet through ,

i 'm wet through .

For years I have been and I have not been.

 I was a single child to working parents. I was destined to grow in a nuclear set up butI grew up in a joint adventurous environment. Building 15 relations that were not to be but not building the two that should have been built.

 I was pampered; I was given things I never asked for. Those that I wanted were never given; I had to earn it the harder way. I saw opulence and poverty on the same day, every other day. Meals fluctuated from 5 stars to non-existing tea stalls to making do with whatever (lack of funds). Maybe all in the span of the same day. Now I have rings in my fingers that could feed and clothe 25 children at any given time. But then there are days when I don’t have enough cash in my wallet to get an auto, so I walk back home. Lots of people around me think and believe I am this Ritchie rich (wife/daughter) who has had it easy .I let them enjoy. Lot of people on the higher end of economic drama think I m really stringy cos I compare prices before buying. I let them enjoy. What is my economic standard?

As a student, I went to the best (ok better) institutes. I saw the lower end of academics until I hit rock bottom. Everyone said I was hopeless. Some even wondered if I would ever pass class 10. Then I saw the pinnacle, when I topped the university. People said they always knew I was the one. Year after year I saw. My work being appreciated, awarded, honored. I let them enjoy. I remember one time when I could not go to see my results I asked someone to.  I said this is the first class mark, let me know if I have scored it, he said – tell me the passing mark, let me see if you have scored it. The same person bought my tickets for IIT KGP, days before the call letter came, cos he was certain I would be selected for the fellowship. I just let them enjoy.

When I decided to marry. Most did not believe. They said I was not the marrying type. Even as I was giving the invitation card to a friend, she skeptically took it thinking it was one of my many practical jokes. Others said they were surprised, even though I had been seriously committed for 4 years. They felt marriage was an encumberment that I would not opt for. I did. I always wanted to get married and happily “settle down”. Though I never did nor do believe in marriages. (Neither does flat mate 1) 11 years have passed. They said it was a mistake for me to marry, I would stop growing. They say, I was wise to have married, I have grown. I let them enjoy.

When I conceived, I was at the peak of my career; I heard them say, that I would choose my IIM project over my motherhood.  The doctor said till the 10 th of Jan, don’t keep hope , its really critical .they said it was impossible .I knew we‘d survive it.  On 20^th I became I mother. They said they always knew. I let them enjoy.

 I believe in myself, my god resides in me. Indian traditional nitty gritty z excites me. I fast on auspicious days. Once when I was doing my thesis on female sexual desires, I cancelled an appointment because it was the annual fast for well being of the child. (neel shosti) my guide , another Bengali mother , looked at me and laughed .  I have seen the look in many faces in temples (not gurudwaras) as if my looks and my clothes are not religious enough . yet there are those Brahmin families who especially invite me for pujas , cos I can deal with the know - how of many pujas .( pujor gojar) . though I don’t believe in many rituals ,I stick to mine . What does that make me – atheist, believer, non-conformist?

I work in hospital, am respected as a doctor, but I am not one. I worked in schools, was treated and respected as teacher but I was not one (school psychologist). I worked as researcher, but had no degree or fellowship to prove. I worked in colleges and universities, respected as professor but an outsider. I worked with corporates, but again from without than within. I trained, I taught, I healed, I caught. I wrought . I stayed in water but never got wet. Today as I write textbooks but I am hardly am author . . What am I?

There are days when I really feel gluttonous and indulge, and then there are days when I don’t feel like putting a morsel into my mouth. What is my appetite like?

There are days that have no nights, one rolls into another. There are nights that end in next evenings. What is my sleeping pattern?

 I cry often for all possible reasons – stupid emotional chepo movies, ads , cloud patterns , something I read . then there are those times when I go through the severest of crisis and tears refuse to come out . some say I am strong some say I am weak . ????

One time, the school authorities reprimanded my guardian because I was very very shy, I had no friends. 3 years later the same school awarded me the most popular student award. There have been birthdays when I have received over 60 cards by post. And then there have been birthdays when I have sat and wept alone in darkness all evening. At any given time there are lists and lists of people whom I can depend on. At any given time there is none I can depend on. (Not even going into how many can depend on me) what is my social life? Am I introvert or extrovert?

If I were my patient these would be the basic questions I would have to answer . I am wondering what my diagnosis would be . Anyone? I ll let you enjoy.